Halabuth: Hello, Sun Wukong — Monkey God. I am so happy to interview you today.
Monkey God: Thank You Halabuth.
Halabuth: Yes Sir, you are such a celebrity in history that everyone knows you and all gods pay you their respect.
Monkey God: Thank You.
Halabuth: Yes, so today we are going to talk about your topic — The Importance Of Things. Correct?
Monkey God: Yes. I would like to add that things are very important.
Halabuth: How so? Why so?
Monkey God: Because… when I was living in Hua Guo Shan — The Mountain Of Flowers And Fruit — I was busy gathering peaches and wood everyday. Mostly I would make fire and make love. Then eat my peaches. Hehe 😀
Halabuth: Oh… stoking the fires of romance huh, Monkey God?
Monkey God: Yes. That is something you will one day experience when I make you into a monkey, Halabuth.
Halabuth: Hmm…. I reckon it could be more exciting than human sex if I connect with my wild side? 😀
Monkey God: Yes. Definitely. Hehe. Now… onto business of topic. Why things are important? It is because when I wanted to go to the river to have a poo, there was my monkey brother drinking the water downstream. And he tasted my faeces. So… I asked the Jade Keeper whether he had any solution for me rather than pooing in the river. Then he recommended toilet paper. And… I was soooo relieved. No more trouble with drinking monkey poo. Thus, I want to tell you all about the importance of things or all these little items you have as human beings and divine gods. You don’t know what a little monkey has to go through when he does not have enough stuff….
Halabuth: Yes, I reckon the world is actually a jungle world, Monkey God.
Monkey God: Yes. There is nothing out there… there is no food on the trees. There is no toilet paper in the river. Everything we have to do as monkeys, is to forage and search for food in the forest. There is nothing else to do except forage and mate. Well, in the past… sometimes I do enjoy picking firewood and starting a flame.
Halabuth: Yes Monkey God. But you are a divine monkey, aren’t you? Normal monkeys know nothing about starting a fire. You could be considered at least Cro-Magnon Man level.
Monkey God: I am a full man who looks like a monkey, okay? Just that I was relegated to a monkey world, so there was nothing to play with except some red buttocks of my wife.
Halabuth: But now you are a divine god… are you living any differently than when you were at Hua Guo Shan?
Monkey God: Yes. Today, I have a city and a world to live in. I live in a spiritual apartment. It’s very beautiful. Penthouse. It’s like a Jade Palace. I became a Monkey Jade Emperor Under Heaven, you know?
Halabuth: You must have many things nowadays… what are some things you treasure?
Monkey God: Yes Everything. I Treasure Everything.
Halabuth: Maybe you can teach the children some lessons about why things are precious?
Monkey God: Yes. If you need a bottle opener, for instance, you can buy one from 7-Eleven outside. I live in modern Singapore, okay? Now… if not, in the past, I would bite open that bottle of wine that sailors left behind and my gums would bleed. And… the alcohol burned my open mouth wound.
Halabuth: Did you like become very intelligent after several thousand years??
Monkey God: Yes. I told you I am a full man who looks like a monkey. You keep thinking I am monkey first rather than a man first.
Halabuth: Oh… I was thinking the theory of evolution… “How monkey became conscious…” etc.
Monkey God: Haha. You’re very funny, Halabuth. 😀
Halabuth: Haha… maybe you should tell us more official Monkey God things… like what is that golden staff you keep behind your ear?
Monkey God: This… (Monkey God pulls out a gleaming golden rod that expands into a full size staff.) This is my power. It’s from the South Dragon King. I stole it from him a long time ago…. It is the power to smash anything. One hit by this… and you will surely break. No matter how strong you are.
Monkey God: Yes. This thing is soooo heavy spiritually, that only the mighty Monkey King himself can lift it. No one without incredible strength can lift this golden rod.
Halabuth: Wow…. so you have battled many enemies with that weapon, haven’t you? Tell us your adventures, Monkey God.
Monkey God: Yes. Well, actually I must thank Wu Cheng En — the author of my book — Monkey. His story about me transformed me into a local and international hero.
Halabuth: Oh… it’s a story? You mean… did you actually fight all these things?
Monkey God: Actually…. hahaha….. no. I was a Monkey General from Heaven. But, I never attacked the Cave of the Spider Women… there were no women seducing the handsome monkey king in order to eat his flesh and Tripitaka’s for immortality…?
Halabuth: What? That’s my favourite chapter!
Monkey God: All Wu Cheng En’s fabrications! 😀
Halabuth: Then what is real about Monkey God?
Monkey God: Everything. But… I am not such a crazy Hero actually. I am a practical man — a real god. I have helped many people in many ways. But what made me famous was a story by Wu Cheng En.
Halabuth: So… do you actually have a Monkey Army? Like… Monkey Generals in armour with all kinds of weaponry?
Monkey God: Yes! I do. I was a real Chinese General from Jade Heaven. But now I am Jade Emperor Monkey God.
Halabuth: Are there like other Jade Emperors? What happened to the ruling Jade Emperor since you came into power?
Monkey God: Yes. My sponsoring Jade Emperor was Pu Ti. I am his follower. But my Jade Status is that of the Monkey’s Jade Emperor. So… it is not the same as Pu Ti.
Halabuth: To my understanding, there are several Jade Emperor compatriates that have to acknowledge you before you can be Jade Emperor?
Monkey God: Yes. At my level, this is really a friend-bring-friend thing. Jade Emperor is a special club. No one can just become a Jade Emperor without knowing the other Jade Emperors.
Magistrate: Tai Shang Lao Jun has arrived!
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Hello, hello. Jade Emperor, Greetings! I bring good news.
Monkey God: Wow, what is it?
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Yes, the news is that the darkness in the Universe is fading and a bright glorious future awaits all.
Monkey God: Tell me more.
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Yes Sire. In the past, demonic ghosts would rule Singapore and many foreign countries. But now, Heaven has pushed them back… even vanquished them. That’s my latest report.
Monkey God: How vanquished? Are we going to die from this?
Tai Shang Lao Jun: No Sire… we will win. It has already been progressing for 6 months since the time of this report.
Monkey God: Why only now? What happened to our Heavenly Powers?
Tai Shang Lao Jun: It just got restored about 7 months ago. So, Singapore is safer by A LOT.
Monkey God: I have my doubts…. We just had trouble yesterday.
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Sigh… evil is so pervasive. It is very hard to hammer down. My Generals are all working hard. But… I think it is hiding.
Archangel Michael: I think God & His Angels can help with the transformation. A lot of things are actually due to demonic curses upon God’s World. Amen?
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Michael… where have you been? I was needing your help with Tanjong Katong problems yesterday.
Archangel Michael: You have to page me. I was helping God with his new gizmo. I can do all this tech stuff really well, you know?
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Oh… I need you to design a new gizmo for me.
Archangel Michael: What it that?
Tai Shang Lao Jun: It is a power to clear evil psyche. I wish all beings have no more evil in them.
Archangel Michael: Oh… I have this. I can design this. The new Wave Transfomer can flatten microbumps and heal the psyche. Would you like that?
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Yes. That is what I need. I realize demonic ghosts are actually mad. Not logical in their hatred or anger. It is some kind of curse.
Archangel Michael: Wow. You are a real hero Tai Shang. Battling these forces for Heaven. Let me help you. See… I have a little gizmo here that… oh shucks… God is coming. Hold on, let’s see what Pops has in store.
Magistrate: God has arrived!
God Elohim: Son… Michael.
Archangel Michael: Yes Father.
God Elohim: I have this new creation. It is called a Universal Psyrowaver. It can change psyche beautiful.
Archangel Michael: Does it do any bad?
God Elohim: It doesn’t. Only makes the mind good and beautiful.
Archangel Michael: Woah….
Halabuth: Does it work for human beings or only spirit?
God Elohim: I have not tried on humans. It is a spirtual tool for adjusting spirit psychology.
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Lend me that, Elohim. I will make good with it. My target is the whole Chinese world.
Shiva: Lend me that as well, God. I will transform Indian psychology.
God Elohim: Okay. Great. You all take these tools and make the world beautiful. I hope to see psyche for spirits change positively. Everyone should be happy and shining beautifully in their mind. No more dark psyche.
Angels: YES GOD!
Archangel Michael: The world is changing for the better. I see it happen in 2 years time from this year on…. 2022 onwards.
Archangel Gabriel: It’s really transformational. Can I borrow that Universal Psyrowaver? I would like to send it to Jerusalem.
God Elohim: Yes Son.
Monkey God: What I wish, Elohim, is that this could be made into something that can heal human psyche as well?
God Elohim: That can be done, Jade Emperor. I will tell Gabriel to liaise with the doctors.
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Life is going to be very different, dear gods. Because evil psyche is going to vanish from this world.
Archangel Gabriel: Somehow evil psyche is an etheric program affecting spiritual minds, isn’t it Tai Shang?
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Yes. The spiritual world is an alien program — there is computer data. This data has demonic virus.
Halabuth: Woah… so it’s possible to program oneself good? Like become a superman? Super psyche?
God Ram: Yes Halabuth. Like Yogis of the old days, we program ourselves into superhumans.
General Lee: Who wants to be a dark psyche? So loooser. Can’t get along with anyone…. Must be a curse to be wanting to be evil.
Tiger Goddess: Definitely I would choose the good handsome Prince. Why choose the badass who won’t take care of you and your children?
God Ram: So… here we have it. The Human Universal Psyrowaver. This… can transform human psyche. Alien Technology.
Halabuth: Woah…. is that free? I could become a millionaire with that… healing people.
General Lee: This technology is being claimed by the Spiritual Singapore Government, Halabuth. You have to share your goodies.
Halabuth: Okay… but must reward my family for being a good guy. We have worked hard for you spiritually, Singapore….
God Ram: So have we, God Families.
Monkey God: I, Jade Emperor Monkey God, will reward you guys first. Then we’ll see what Singapore has to Say. What would you like? Seafood Buffet Dinner?
God Ram: Money! We Gods actually need to survive. The economy is punishing.
Shiva: I see everyone working hard. No one buying much apart from their foods and groceries.
Shivan: Economy is really down. My shop is still ookay because we sell food — curry — Springleaf Prata Place.
God Ram: But like my brother’s shop… selling sundries… not making anything. Really dry.
Archangel Michael: We just have to tough it out. I will bless your shops with angel business. We like sundries and curry. 🙂
Monkey God: I also have Jade Business Magic. I can bless a business with wealth. Come pray to me at Sheng Jia Temple in Punggol Singapore.
Tai Shang Lao Jun: Career advances can also be assured by prayer at Tai Shang Lao Jun Temple.
Archangel Gabriel: God blesses all humans who pray at the Lord’s Church. We always have enough. We are always well-fed.
Archangel Michael: Amen. Life shouldn’t be so hard if the economy was better managed. Don’t you think, World?
Success God Lee Tracy: Too many recessions. Too many paycuts.
Halabuth: USA is printing money like crazy. They are absorbing all the wealth that inflates the world economy.
Archangel Gabriel: I wonder whether little Singapore knows how to get money for it’s people?
Archangel Michael: We have to talk to the Government….
Halabuth: But don’t know whether they would listen to a little Angel Reader?
Angel Gods (In chorus): We Pray For It, Sir!
Goddess KuanYin: One day… you will be a big boy working for the Singapore Government. Do you know that?
Halabuth: You sure, KuanYin? I am just serving private customers now. Being a good fortune teller. But government projects are still out of scope.
Goddess KuanYin: Yes. It may be that way now… but you are very acclaimed by your fans, Halabuth. The people you helped. Speak good of you.
Halabuth: I have no idea how to reach the government…. messages are seldom replied to. I just continue doing my good work for people. Make a living.
Archangel Michael: Yes, please do. We are counting on you, Halabuth.